Pontificating aside, a good steak just tastes really, really good. And that’s reason enough to learn how to cook one. But before you do, you gotta gather a few things.

• -The steak
  For a truly mouthwatering experience, opt for the rib eye or the New York strip. Both are heavily marbled, tender cuts that can withstand heavy searing. Filet mignon is good but overrated for the price - and it’s far too easy to overcook. I like grass-fed beef, but it’s a bit more expensive than corn fed. Just remember that grass fed beef has less fat and cooks faster.
• -The pan
  Some people like to grill their steaks over open flame. While the grill marks are aesthetically pleasing, I prefer the uniform searing of a good cast iron pan. Be sure to season your cast iron if it’s a new one. Rub some oil on it and toss it in a 350 degree oven for two hours. After that, cooking with it will naturally season it. Of course, the best option is to get Grandma’s old cast iron. The older and more weathered the better.
• -The seasonings
  Salt and black pepper are all you need. Kosher salt, because it has the most surface area, is your best choice, and freshly cracked black peppercorns are the way to go in the pepper department. Keep A1 far, far away.
• -The oil
  I like grape seed oil. It has a high flash point (can withstand extreme temperatures) and it’s a source of healthy fat - like olive oil. Plus, it has a neutral flavor. Any oil will do, really.

And now, the cooking.

• 1. Put the cast iron pan in the oven and preheat to 500 degrees.
• 2. Keep the oven on and remove the pan, placing it on the burner over high heat.
• 3. Salt and pepper both sides of the steak, taking care to pat the seasonings in.
• 4. Brush both sides with oil.
• 5. Sear each side for approximately 30 seconds. Maybe 45 if you like a nice crust.
• 6. Place the pan in the oven.
• 7. Flip the steak after two minutes.
• 8. After another two minutes, remove the pan and cover loosely with foil.
• 9. Your steak will be ready to eat in a couple minutes. Enjoy!

That’s for medium-rare. If you like it rare, reduce the oven time by 30 seconds per side. If you like well done, well - knock that sh*t off. Well done is something British gentlemen say to one another after an especially rousing polo match… not a way to cook your steak. Medium is acceptable, but rare is really the way you should go.

***Pictures Thanks to taminator and rhosoi***

We’ve seen plenty of movies with men in suits pouring the stuff from decanters in dusty libraries full of leather-bound books, or a resident diplomat welcoming dignitaries with a finger or two of the impressive-looking brown liquid. It looks good and manly and refined, but actually drinking it can be daunting to the uninitiated. Ron Burgundy absolutely loves scotch, though, so I think you owe it to yourself to give it a shot.

First of all, the taste of good quality single malt is overwhelming. I remember taking a sip of my grandmother’s coffee as a young kid and just shuddering from the terrible taste. Of course, she was probably spiking her joe with plastic bottle whiskey, not single malt aged scotch, but still. The point remains that scotch has a very distinctive, powerful flavor that must be carefully acquired.

For an absolute beginner, the simplest way to develop a taste for single malt scotch is to trick your senses. You know how rehab programs get junkies off heroin by painstakingly reducing the strength of each successive fix until they’re completely weaned off? The same idea works to acquire a taste for fine liquor - except in reverse:

• 1. Get a bottle of scotch. Go for blended when you’re first starting. It’s cheaper, and the actual quality isn’t so important when you’re developing a taste. Johnnie Walker, Cutty Sark, Chivas Regal, and even Dewar’s are all great choices for a first-time drinker. They won’t cost an arm and a leg, and they’re definitely drinkable.
• 2. Get a rocks glass with a few ice cubes and pour a couple fingers’ worth; fill the rest with water, preferably purified. Drink it down. Taste good? Probably not yet.
• 3. Here’s where it starts getting fun. Do it again the next night, only with more scotch. Add water and drink.
• 4. Repeat, repeat, repeat. After about a week of this nonsense, it’ll start tasting good. Now, take a look at your glass. The liquid should be pretty dark by now… almost like apple juice. You’re getting closer!
• 5. Try omitting the water completely. Drink. If you exhale and savor the sweet, sweet elixir, you’ve made it!
• 6. Congratulations. You are now a scotch drinker.

Now go run along and buy a single-malt. I recommend Laphroaig - a peaty, smoky work of alcoholic art. Brewed in the Scottish highlands with much love and attention to detail, Laphroaig is available at most liquor and grocery stores, but it can be a little pricey at these places. Try Trader Joe’s; I found it there for a totally reasonable $30. If you can’t find it, any Glen will do just fine.

***Pictures Thanks to practicalowl and The Pack***

Speaking should be an effortless way to effectively convey your thoughts; don’t clutter your sentences or conversation with obscene verbosity. It just makes you look like an asshat. At the worst, you’ll sound like a condescending, patronizing bastard, and no one will want to be your friend. This is actually tough to do, because you have to use obscenely complex words the right way. Imagine a law professor talking to some punk kids in legalese. Completely unnecessary and counterproductive. It’s far easier to try using big words and come off like an idiot though. Using “quid pro quo” incorrectly or “Coup de grâce” should do the trick. Both suck, though. Avoid them.

Now, let’s be clear here: you can be articulate and eloquent without looking like a pompous ass vomiting up a thesaurus. You can even use poly-syllabic words and intricate sentence structure, and still remain coherent and relatable. Just be careful with your words and tone. Some good rules:

• - If you feel awkward saying a particular word or phrase, you probably look it. If it doesn’t feel right, if everyday conversation feels like you’re giving a presentation - you’re trying too hard, and it’s obvious to everyone else. Awkwardness is cool when you’re eighteen and Michael Cera, but it’s not a good look in the real world.
• - When writing, stay away from alliteration, unless you’re an eighth century Anglo-Saxon epic poet. It’s a little ridiculous and over-wrought. Heck, it’s kinda silly for speaking, too. Impressive though. If you can alliterate everyday speech, go for it: your douchebaggery will be such that it comes full circle into awesomeness. Special provisions available for Renaissance Faire geeks.
• - Avoid Pompous Ass Words at all costs. PAWs are obscure synonyms replacing common words. PAWs are ubiquitous on liberal arts campuses and Internet message boards. Users are mostly bastards desperate to highlight supposedly intelligent thought processes. You wordsmiths might consider yourself immune to this problem, but your enhanced grasp of the language might actually help induce douche diction. Those juicy thesaurus words, once available, might be too tempting to resist.
• - “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means,” said Inigo Montoya, and he was right. Certain words have grown overused, their meanings warped and twisted. “Cogent” is one. It was a favorite word on campus, and people used it to refer to pretty much anything. “That’s a pretty cogent argument.” “I dunno… the plot just wasn’t cogent enough for me.” Before long, attaining cogency was seemingly everyone’s goal in life. If a paper wasn’t cogent, it was useless. I think people eventually just used “cogent” in place of “good.” Overuse cheapened it. Same with “myriad.” It’s like people simply cannot wait to use the word. For awhile there, I was seeing it everywhere. Every amateur writer loved it. It’s a cool word, I guess, but its overuse isn’t even the worst of it. “Myriad” is almost always used incorrectly, as a noun, when it’s actually an adjective. The only time I can recall it being used correctly was by Interpol - “… the myriad ways that I love you…” Not “the myriad of ways,” which is how everyone else seems to use it. Adjective, not noun. And don’t even bother trying to integrate “myriad” into your everyday vernacular. It’ll sound horribly unnatural. Use “many” instead.

Now that you know what to avoid, what you should be saying will come naturally. All you have to do is resist the urge to dominate a conversation, listen to the entirety of what the person you’re interacting with is saying before formulating your answer, and most of all, do your best to genuinely enjoy interacting with your fellow man. Conversation is not a sport with a winner and a loser at the end. It’s a dance.

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You employ a terribly contrived vocabulary. Prepare to die.”

***Picture Thanks to binkle_28***

Proper gratuity dispersal makes everything run more smoothly. Service people work hard as hell for us consumers, and they, by and large, get terrible wages. Most servers in the US make far below minimum wage and rely completely on their tips - California and a couple other states are the exception, but still, minimum wage isn’t nearly sufficient in today’s economy. People in tip-heavy professions get taxed on their tips at a fixed rate, even if they didn’t actually make much in tips that paycheck. In California, for example, food service workers are taxed on 8% of their sales, regardless of any tips garnered. Does that seem fair?

Many people counter with the argument that these people should just get better-paying jobs if they want to make more money; after all, this isn’t communism, and it’s “not my problem.” It’s up to the employer to raise wages, or whatever (as if a money-grubbing owner of a restaurant is going to raise his bottom line). But that’s just it - it is your problem. As members of society, there are certain social norms we must follow. Giving up your seat for a pregnant woman is one; as is picking up after your dog; tipping the people that bring you food, that mix your drinks, that make your night out a pleasant one… that’s another. So be a man and tip accordingly. It’s a nice way to say “thanks” to people who otherwise get the shaft on a daily basis and tipping, if you want to be selfish about it, rewards and ensures great service, especially for repeat customers.

So yeah, you may be reading this and go “societal duty, cultural norms, blah blah blah.” For the likes of you, the real reason you should tip is to get the best service and avoid unpleasantness. I’m not just talking about filthy waiters rubbing their genitals on your pizza or farting on your meringue (although it does happen), because in all my years of serving I rarely came across that sort of stuff. You should know that service people have impeccable memories. As a grocery delivery driver, I could scour a list of hundreds of customer names and point out each and every crappy tipper. Or at the restaurant, when someone would leave me a bad tip, months later I’d remember his face as soon as he sat down in my section. But you know what? I always remembered the good tippers most. And they got the free refills, the desserts on the house, the extra stiff drinks. It’s just how things work.

Servers/Waitstaff
This is hard work. Trust me. I might be biased, but it’s a largely thankless job. You get yelled at by the often-incomprehensible kitchen staff, the manager’s always on your case, plus you gotta cater to some of the rudest people on the planet who attribute every mistake directly to you. Salmon’s a little dry? Blame the waiter! Overcooked lamb? Since I can’t scream at the chef, I’ll just assume the waiter did it! Don’t be that guy, guys. Unless the service is abysmal, tip at least 15%. I rarely go below 20%, and I definitely notice a difference in the service.

Oh, and just in case you’re tempted to tip the bussers directly, it isn’t necessary. Servers tip out to the support staff at the end of the night - all the more reason to tip well.

Bartenders
Tip well, very well, on your first drink. This will ensure strong, prompt drinks for the rest of the night. Something like five bucks on a single beer should do the trick. Thereafter, a dollar a drink will suffice.

Delivery
Have you seen gas prices nowadays? Don’t be fooled by the “delivery fee” - that rarely goes to the driver. It’s just more scratch for the store. When I drove I got 25 cents for each delivery. 25 cents!! And that was supposed to cover my gas. These guys have to brave crazy traffic and draconian meter maids just to get you your stuff, so please, tip them at least five bucks.

Greasing
Some may balk at the prospect of slipping the maitre’d a slick twenty spot, but it works. Sure, this might not technically be tipping, seeing as how it takes place before services are rendered. You could always make the case, like our great president, for pre-emptive tipping.

DJs
Disc jockeys are notoriously egotistical. Women throw themselves at them nightly, so what makes you think they’re gonna honor your pathetic request to play “Blue Monday” again? Flash a little green, maybe five bucks, and you should get your way. A little too forward for your tastes? Simply give props - music to any DJs ears - and offer to buy ‘em a drink. And when you’re chatting a girl up and she mentions a favorite song, don’t buy her a drink… buy her a song. Far more impressive.

Casino Staff
Tip the cocktail waitresses at least a buck or two per drink. You’re just sitting there on the penny slots (you know you are!) for the free drinks, so show your appreciation. If you’re doing well at a table, tip the dealer and keep the good vibes flowing.

Taxis
I tip 15% percent unless the guy’s obviously making an attempt to get you to your destination quickly. If he’s weaving in and out of traffic, making yellow lights, taking the quick route? Tip the guy 20%. The converse is true, too. Give less if he’s taking his sweet-ass time.

Hotels
Both you and I know that everyone leaves their hotel room in a state of ruin. The empty booze bottles, the mysterious stains, the strewn bedding - for some reason, we all revert back to adolescent cleaning habits once we’re staying in a hotel. But someone’s gotta clean up after you. Show some respect for an incredibly tough job and leave - taking into account the extent of the chaos - $1-3 per day. A pre-emptively large tip is useful, too. I once left ten bucks my first night and had a nice little gift waiting for me the next day: several mini bottles of free liquor.

Bellhops should be given a dollar or two per bag. A good concierge should get a good tip, as well. If he recommends a great restaurant, tip him accordingly. You can spend $200 on a meal; why not on him? Be sure to carry correct change and avoid an awkward Larry David situation.

Assorted Tips (Get It?)
-Tip your garbage, mail, and milk men on holidays for a job well done. They control your waste, your correspondence, and your cowjuice, so they can make things very unpleasant if they so choose.

-Whoever puts together your takeout order should get a tip, too. It’s a hassle having to put together a to-go order in the middle of a busy shift.

-Quality hairstylists and tattoo artists perform a difficult, specialized service. Tip about 15% of the total cost, more if they do a particularly excellent job.

-Be sure to tip those guys that work at places like IKEA, Best Buy, or Home Depot and help you out to the car. They wear back braces for a reason.

On behalf of service workers everywhere, and to prevent widespread social collapse, don’t forget to tip.

***Picture Thanks to kalavinka***

They made the right choice and you can too.

Throw on some Dean Martin, pour yourself a vodka tonic, straighten out that tie and plan a trip to the Vegas that Sinatra and co. knew and loved. It might be 2008, but you can still kick it old school if you know where to go.

Fly Me To The Moon
But I recommend you try driving to Vegas. There’s nothing like coasting down the I-15 at night and seeing those lights for the first time as you crest the final hill. They shine like a holy beacon, and you can’t help but sense Sammy, Frank, and Dino smiling down from up above and guiding you safely in. Gas is expensive as hell, but you shouldn’t be going to Vegas by yourself anyway. Fill the car with friends and everybody pitches in for gas, making the trip affordable and fun.

Luck Be a Lady
You could go with the big names and tables with high minimums, but that’s what everyone does. And that’s not to knock the Strip; great fun, great food, and great escort service can be procured on the Strip. You might want to check out Fremont Street. It’s an entirely artificial “old school” experience crafted by city planners, but there are still some classic casinos to visit. The Golden Nugget and The 4 Queens are highlights that offer the 70s era, “Fear and Loathing…” vibe, but you’re not going to find anything out of the original “Ocean’s 11.” That’s okay though. The past is the past; doing Vegas like the Rat Pack isn’t about going to the right casinos, because casinos like that just don’t exist anymore. It’s about drinking the right liquor, eating the right food, wearing the right clothes, and having the right attitude - all of which contribute to your ability to comport yourself with classy swagger, fluid gregariousness, and raffish cool.

Don’t Be a Shmuck
Suit up, boys. You gotta look the part, so “you bring something nice to wear.” Try to show up wearing it if it’s possible… you gotta make the big entrance. Learn to tie a Windsor knot; unless you’re a member of an indie rock band or the Beatles, stay away from the skinny tie. Any pimply teenage prom-goer can tie a basic knot, but taking the time to tie a good Windsor indicates true class.

If you’re balking at wearing a suit, just take a look in the hotel lobby for your other options. You’ll either see button-down shirt wearing bros in faded jeans and flip flops or blue-haired grandmas with glazed eyes working the slot levers like lab rats. Just wear the suit, guy. Your drinks’ll get stiffer and come quicker, and I think you’ll notice a definite spring in your step.

Mister Booze
If you’re gonna stay sober in Vegas, just stay home. The two go hand in hand, and attempting to recreate Sinatra’s Vegas is futile without booze.

Just stay far, far away from the margaritas by the yard. You’re basically drinking a slurpee with a bit of well tequila, and you look ridiculous. Remember those ‘roided-out bros wearing striped shirts and boot-cut jeans? Well, the neon-colored yard-long frozen ‘rita is their drink of choice. Think on that before you hit Coyote Ugly for one of your own.

One word: scotch. Stick to single malts, no water, rocks optional. We highly recommend Laphroaig, a full-bodied scotch with peat and smoke undertones. Incredible stuff, and potent. You’ll sound like a pro ordering it and feel great drinking it. If that isn’t an option (find another bar!) “any Glen’ll do.” Craftsteak in the MGM Grand prides themselves on their single-malt collection - and their steaks, if you’re still craving red meat.

If you go for cocktails, try a gin martini. It’s a woefully underrated drink, and the Fontana Bar in the Bellagio serves a stiff one. Masterful vodka martinis can be had at Red Square in Mandalay Bay, and if you go on the right night they have Russian caviar specials.

You Are What You Eat
And to be the man you need to be in Vegas, you’ve got three options:
Golden Steer Steak House - Frank, Dean, and Sammy’s old stomping grounds. They serve a mean bone-in rib eye and have an impressive wine list. Because it’s downtown, it’s reasonably priced when compared to the spots on the Strip. And it’s got great pleather seating.

The Steakhouse in Circus Circus - Wood panels, red velvet interior, with a long oak bar. And best of all, there’s a very reasonable corkage fee. A glass of red is always good with great steak, but a whole bottle from home is even better.

Fellini’s - Located on W. Charleston Blvd off the Strip, Fellini’s offers old school charm, classic service, and quality Italian cuisine. It’s popular with the locals, though, so prepare for a wait. Hire a cab, too, cause wine glasses never stay empty for long.

Make a Night of It
Go all out. Don’t plan too much. Put on the suit, grab a drink and light a square, and just head out the door. Be boisterous, but keep it civil. No fights. Laugh as much as possible. Drape your arm over your pal’s shoulder on occasion. Weave drunkenly through the card tables. Tip well. Wink at the pretty girls. Smoke cigars.

If you expect too much, you’ll be disappointed. If the suit feels uncomfortable, loosen the tie, or have another drink.

Good luck, and don’t be back before dawn.

***Picture Thanks to pinkerpalliner***

Do I feel comfortable having the gang over to watch the big game?

I’m not talking about your ability to provide snacks and beer; you pride yourself on your microbrew knowledge and have extensive experience with fine goat cheeses, I know. C’mon, that’s not what I meant.

Are you proud of your television? Is the fact that Paul Pierce’s face is a shapeless blur on your TV okay with you? Well, it’s not okay with your friends. On the surface, of course, they’re kind. They act like they’re happy to be with you. They politely react to a lopsided score in a game (when they can’t even read the fuzzy numbers). They cheer players whose last names are illegible on the backs of their jerseys.

But really? Those same friends have moved on. Their eyes have grown accustomed to perceiving the individual tears streaming down Kobe’s face after an agonizing loss. They yearn to see the sweat beading off of KG’s head onto Michella Tafoya’s weave. And you? I bet you still say “Hey, Conan looks pretty young!” Nope. You’re living a lie. Check him out in HD: Conan O’Brien’s face is a cracked, wrinkly white wall of crumbling adobe. In HD, facades crumble. Dreams shatter.

Going HD is like taking the red pill. It’s expensive, and it’s not easy, but it’s the truth and it’s worth the effort. Plus, the Matrix looks f*cking awesome in high definition!

Now that you’ve decided to take the plunge, you have to decide between LCD and Plasma. Either one is a good choice, but some are better suited for certain types of owners.

Gamers
We of the flatscreen-buying generation have grown up with video games as a fairly integral part of daily life. They were “kids’ stuff” back in the 80s and 90s because, well, we were kids then! But we’ve since grown up, and the games have grown up with us. Today’s cutting edge games sport budgets that rival some movies and feature incredibly detailed graphics engines; to get the most out them, a high definition flatscreen TV is a must have.

LCDs are the definitive gamer’s choice. They thrive in room with high ambient lighting (let’s face it - sometimes you just wanna take the day off work and lie around playing video games in the afternoon) and, most importantly, there’s no danger of burnt-in images. The best LCD TVs have contrast levels and refresh rates with plasma TVs, so that’s no longer a reason for a heavy gamer to go plasma.

Plasmas, although the problem has lessened with tech improvements, still suffer from the dreaded burn-in. I won’t go into the technical reasons - mostly because I don’t understand them! - but static images displayed on a screen will sometimes become burnt-in on plasma TVs. Because so many games have static images (think inventory displays and life gauges), plasma gamers are at a high risk for burn-in.

Film Buffs
If you’re strictly a night time movie watcher, go with a plasma screen. Dark rooms make for incredible pictures on plasma televisions and can really make for a “home cinema” atmosphere. Of course, burn-in issues still apply so don’t pause the movie and go off and run errands. Plus, watching movies in the daytime means you’ll probably have to take extra steps to shut the blinds and reduce ambient lighting.

LCDs work well enough for movies, but there is a slightly perceptible drop-off in colors and contrasts. The LCD does have the potential for higher resolutions, though, and there’s no downside to using it in a brightly lit room. Consider yourself warned that the viewing angles are a bit worse than on the plasma, so if you plan on having a huge crowd watching from the periphery, you should probably go with the plasma.

Regular Guys
What about those of you who just wanna watch Jeopardy and the occasional ballgame? Maybe play some Xbox 360 or PS3? You’re just a basic user who wants a nice looking TV without much hassle, and you’re confused cause neither of the previous two categories fit you. It’s tough to go wrong with a high-def flatscreen, so check out some models in store and see which looks better. Just keep the basic specs in mind:

LCD flatscreens are slightly more expensive, generally, and they do better in brightly lit rooms. If you plan on playing games on a semi-regular basis, go for this one.

Plasmas have richer, warmer colors and deeper blacks, with a better viewing angle.

The bigger the TV, the further you should sit back to optimize the viewing quality. If you plan on going over 40 inches (and you really should), make sure to place it about 8-12 feet back from where you’ll be sitting.

Don’t sweat the decision too much. Just make sure you like the picture, it fits your needs, and it’s got HDMI connectors in the back. Good luck!

***Picture Thanks to revolutionarygirl***

But how do we do it? The occasional weekend hike surrounded by dozens of other out-of-shape middle managers isn’t enough, and living in solitude with the beasts and the trees most likely isn’t viable for you. You have jobs, and fantasy sports leagues to worry about, right? Well, the next best thing to pastoral hermitude is a well-planned, well-thought out camping trip.

Go camping, guys. Get out there and get dirty.

To effectively camp is to truly immerse oneself in one’s essence. Truly being a man is being self-sufficient, active, and firm in your convictions; camping forces you to enlist these qualities and characteristics if you want to succeed. Think about it. You’ll be cooking, cleaning, assembling a shelter, using your own hands to build a fire and scramble over rocks, using your own legs to locomote yourself around.

You don’t have high-powered technology as a crutch, there are no staid corporate environments demanding behavior contrary to our nature. It’s just you and the trees. I don’t want to make this a How-To: Be a Man guide, so just trust me on the importance of camping well.

To camp well one must adhere to a few simple rules of preparation and conduct.

1. Reserve Your Site Online
You’ve just finished a marathon reading of “Walden” and the “Dharma Bums,” got your rucksack full of dried apricots and a bottle of cheap sack, and want to strike out immediately for the nearest wooded area. Don’t, though. That romantic prose is great for inspiration, but it’ll get you killed out in the wild. Instead, use Reserve America to find and secure a great camping spot online. There’s nothing worse than driving four hours to a campsite, only to find it teeming with Bud-drinking rabble, with no space for you. Reserving a campsite online also lets you tailor-make the trip to your specifications. Don’t want a crowded experience full of whining kids? Only look for rustic campsites without showers, toilets, and water-pumps. If you need to take the family (or girlfriend), sites exist that cater to everyone, with some even offering miniature golfing and volleyball (I know). Camping isn’t about eschewing technology altogether; it’s about using it thoughtfully and honestly.

2. Keep the Camping Supply Staples in a Big Container
Sometimes the need to get away from it all strikes fast. If it’s Friday, at three in the afternoon, and you get the inclination to go camping, the one thing that’ll slow you down most is gathering up all the supplies. Chances are, you’ll forget stuff, and you probably won’t make it out until the following day. Reduce your prep time and make sure you’ve got everything you’ll ever need by keeping the following items in a big plastic tub at all times.
-Tent
-Sleeping bag and pad (consider keeping the sleeping material loosely packed in big bags, because compression can weaken the material)
-First aid kit (bandages, gauze, aspirin, scissors, antiseptic, etc)
-Lantern
-Flashlight w/ extra batteries
-Small broom (sleeping in filth doesn’t enhance the experience)
-Tarp (rain can strike at any moment)
-Wet wipes (if there’s no shower, the occasional pseudo-bath is just fine)
-Matches
-Bug repellent
-Trash bags (remember the Burning Man credo: Leave no trace!)
-Cooking supplies (I like a good solid cast-iron pan)
-Sunscreen
-Pocketknife

3. Make a List
You can’t keep everything you’ll need in a plastic tub, so make a permanent list of these things you’ll still need to bring for every camping trip.
-Clothing (both hot and cold weather)
-Firewood
-Lawn chairs
-Toothbrush
-Cooler
-Food

4. Various tips
-Try to leave the cell phone, if you need it at all, in the car (on silent).
-Bring a good book.
-Stop at the ranger station on your way in; he’ll usually have good ideas for interesting hikes or climbs to try.
-If it’s allowed, bring your dog. Reliable, silent companionship is perfect for nature.
-Try camping alone one time, but be safe.
-Keep your meals pretty simple; red wine reductions just mean more cleanup.
-Try hunting or fishing for your own sustenance. Nothing tastes better than something you’ve caught yourself.
-If you plan on doing anything adventurous, bring a friend. You know those guys that get stuck and have to gnaw their own limbs off to make it home? Yeah, they always hike alone.

Heed this advice, and you’ll be roughing and loving it in no time.

***Picture Thanks to zen***

How are you to build up that sense of confidence? Prepare, prepare, prepare.

“But how,” you might ask, “am I to prepare for an unexpected speech thrust upon me?!” Why, simply read this guide, follow its tenets, and you’ll be able to handle anything that comes your way. If you know the topic beforehand, you’re lucky. That means you can prepare your presentation or speech, put together note cards and practice in front of the mirror. But if you want to be a kick-ass spontaneous public speaker, you gotta develop a few basic skills before you start twinkling the champagne flute at the company dinner. And no, I’m not talking about the ability to chug the last of the bubbly before the speech (although if you’re gonna tap your wine glass with your fork, an empty glass carries sound better). Believe it or not, there are a few things you can do to prepare for any unexpected speaking occasion.

1. Toasts
Some might not consider a toast to be public speaking, but these things pop up all the time. It could be at the local dive with a few of your closest, long-lost buddies, or it could be at your first Thanksgiving dinner with your fiance’s parents. Whatever the occasion, you should have a few really great toasts prepared if you want to make a good, lasting impression. One of my favorites is “May the roof never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out.” It’s a classic Irish drinking toast, and who better than the Irish to instruct us in the ways of drinking? I’ve used it numerous times with all different demographics, and it never fails to impress whomever I’m with. You can use it with close friends, but the thing about a great, classic toast is its ability to evoke a sense of community and instant friendship. When you’re addressing people you don’t know, a warm, witty toast is a surefire way to ingratiate yourself. Getting on the audience’s good side is the key to success in public speaking, so take heed and get yourself a couple cool toasts. And remember, an audience isn’t just a homogeneous distant group; it’s made up of individuals.

2. Work Presentation
Unless you are a total screw up and know nothing about your job, spontaneous work presentations should be small potatoes. You will already be familiar with the presentation space and the audience, negating the anxiety that comes from anticipating the unexpected. Regardless, don’t coast on the fact that you know where you are. As I said before (and it bears repeating), prepare, prepare, prepare. However if you have no time to prepare, and assuming you have a few things to say, quickly parse out two or three important points you want to communicate and stick to them, no matter what. Don’t pad your presentation with a digression about what you had for breakfast. You will bore your colleagues and lose your train of thought as well. Keep the audience rapt by focusing on a few salient observations and driving them home in clear, concise language. No rambling. Everyone hates a rambler. Endless distraction means that nobody will remember a word you said and all your hard work will be for naught.

3. Award Speech
Congratulations, you’ve won an award! But before you can hang it on the wall in your office, you need to accept it in a gracious, self-deprecating way. This can easily go sour if you allow yourself to become too overwhelmed by the moment. It happens to the best of people, but there’s no reason it should happen to you. Consider this: a famous actor wins an Academy Award. He gets up to give his victory speech and, instead of neatly giving thanks to all those who have made it possible for him to be on the stage, spends all of his allotted time talking about something totally unrelated to the event at hand and doesn’t thank anybody. As I said in #2, rambling is the best way to completely lose your audience and yourself. When giving an awards speech use the time wisely for its assigned purpose. Thank everyone that needs thanking, insert a self-deprecating comment here or there, and ingratiate yourself with the audience by being humble (but not too humble; after all, you deserve it!). If you forget a name, don’t sweat it - you can always write a thank you note later (consult Miss Manners for proper method of doing so).

4. If All Else Fails and You’re Stuck On-stage With Nothing To Say
For some reason you’ve disregarded all of the above suggestions and have humiliated yourself in front of everybody you know and love. While this situation may be soul-crushingly torturous, take heart! There is a way to salvage yourself from utter scorn: humor. That’s right, humor. A well placed one-liner combined with a modicum of humility can defuse the most awkward situation, no matter what racist joke you’ve just cracked. Throwing yourself on the sword in a gently self-effacing way is endearing precisely because everybody has been there at one time or another. Your audience is made up of human beings who will respond to your crisis with empathy if handled properly. Don’t beat yourself up in a way that makes you seem like a depressed 13 year old girl; such immature behavior will ruin your credibility. Just admit your weakness and move on. If you drop the ball, try something like the following: “Someone once told me that there was a right way and a wrong way to give a speech which was great advice, except that I apparently didn’t listen to the rest!”

In the end, there is one sure way to make sure you don’t screw everything up right off the bat: be yourself. Yes, just be yourself. It’s really that simple. Putting on a mask for the benefit of others will only increase your fears by giving you one more thing to worry about. Remember, nobody really cares about you; they care about the content of your speech. Dedicate all your energy to making your talk kick-ass and perfect and don’t psyche yourself out about little details. If you deliver an eloquent, well reasoned, humorous, and humble speech, I promise that nobody will be talking about how your shirt was buttoned incorrectly or that fact that you were sweating so hard you left a snail trail when you left the stage. They’ll just talk about how awesome that speech was and, by proxy, how awesome you are. And you are awesome. So good luck!

I must warn you, gentle readership. There is no easy, wishy-washy way to lose fat. Therefore, I’m going to be direct and in-your-face about this very grave matter. Blunt (like your fat, stubby fingers) is the name of the game.

1. Eating
Most importantly, you really gotta spurn the advances of the high-carb honeys and trans-fat tail. It’s tough to resist, I know, but you don’t want to be the fat kid at the beach wearing his t-shirt to go swimming. It’s kinda funny when you’re ten, but absolutely pathetic when you’re in your twenties. So ditch the starches, the processed food, and the fast “food.” I have quotes there because that stuff isn’t really food, and you know it. If you don’t believe me, your own body will make it known with frequent, intense trips to the toilet. What little nutrition fast food contains will just pass right on through you; fat sticks, though, so stick to whole, unprocessed foods, like meats (not burgers and fried chicken - we’re talking baked or grilled steak, chicken and fish, my friends), vegetables, fruit, and nuts.

Some excellent choices include:
-Almonds (go for raw or unsalted)
-Lean chicken, beef, or lamb (try to go for free-range, organic, and grass-fed if your wallet permits)
-Raw leafy greens (just toss ‘em in some balsamic and olive oil and you’re good to go)
-Honey or agave syrup (if you absolutely must have sugar)
-Flaxseeds (adds nutty crunch to smoothies, or you can just take the oil for the Omega-3 fatty acids)
-Green tea
-Fresh, wild caught fish
-Berries (blackberries and blueberries can be found in the frozen section if the fresh berries are too expensive)

A safe bet is to just do all your shopping along the perimeter of the grocery store and stay out of the aisles, for therein lies processed, prepackaged food. Try to stick to fresh fruit, as the dried fruit contains more concentrated calories, meaning you’ll end up eating an entire bag in one sitting.

Drop those goddamn Pop-Tarts!!! Geesh.

2. Exercise
Ever wonder how those sculpted professional athletes got so shredded? It’s not just careful regulation of their diets, which not all of them even follow. It’s exercise. These guys do it for a living, after all. It doesn’t take a genius to make the logical connection between exercise and weight loss. That blubber isn’t clogging your brain, is it? Good.

Simply put, your body expends energy and burns calories when it exercises. Ramping up the intensity of a workout will increase the energy expenditure and calories burned. If you’re sweating and breathing hard, you’re on the right track. If you’re close to puking (a more controversial weight-loss method), you’re pushing your body to its fat-burning limit. If you’re screaming and pleading for mercy, you’re probably having some really great sex (another fantastic exercise, by the way).

You’ve probably heard that long, slow and steady wins the fat-burning race. It may have worked for the tortoise, but in terms of maximizing your weight-loss, it’s pure hogwash. Advocates of walking and light jogging just want to make themselves feel better about being fatties. They don’t want to do the work necessary. Think about it: you’re morbidly obese with Cheeto-stained fingers and breath that smells of special sauce. The last thing you want to do is work hard and get sweaty. Well, folks, sweat isn’t just lubricant for your inner thighs; it’s also an indication that you’re getting a great workout!

And don’t just focus on cardio. Cardio’s overrated. Pump that iron. If you don’t have access to the gym, no problem. There are plenty of body weight exercises that work just fine. You have access to plenty of body weight, don’t you? Try to focus on full-body movements, rather than narrowing your focus to single body parts. Don’t do dumbbell curls to work your biceps… do pull-ups and work your flabby back as well as your biceps. Chances are you won’t be able to do more than one or two pullups at first. No problem! Stand on a bench and do negative pullups. Get your chin above the bar and let yourself down as slowly as possible. Your body actually builds more strength doing negative movements, allowing you to graduate to more pullups in a single sitting. Same goes for pushups and situps. If you did nothing but loads of pushups, situps, and pullups, you’d have a well-rounded (not rounded) physique.

Some more advanced workouts to consider:
-Knees to elbows (hang from a pullup bar and bring your knees up to touch your elbows — perfect for washboard abs)
-Burpees (builds total body strength and endurance, while burning calories like nothing else)
-Sprints (on the beach, uphill, up stairs — it all works well; if you’re a real man, try doing sets of pushups in between sprints)
-Squats (start with just your body weight, but ramp it up by holding heavy objects while you do it)

Oh, and make sure you’re not moseying along during your workouts. Go as hard and as fast as you can. Working out should never be a relaxing endeavor, especially if you’re serious about losing weight. Plus, who wants to work out for hours? Push yourself hard and just get it done.

3. Supplements
Dietary supplementation can’t replace proper diet and exercise habits, but it can be the icing on the weight loss cake (are these food metaphors helpful?). Some pills tout their ability to curb hunger, while others promise to give you plenty of energy for your workouts. The folks at Phentremine Overnight have created a supplement that combines the best of both worlds. Phentremine-AE contains both Hoodia, a proven appetite suppressant, and various energy-boosting ingredients. It helps you burn fat, sure, but perhaps more importantly, Phentremine-AE helps you focus and stick to your weight-loss plan. You’ll still have to work hard and eat right, but Phentremine-AE will make your job a little easier.

Face it, fatties. Eating right and exercising regularly and effectively are choices we all can make. Show some backbone and skip the fast food for once. Do some pushups and burpees in your living room, or head down to the local park to do pullups and sprints. With the help of Phentremine-AE, there shouldn’t be a problem.

No more excuses.

***Picture Thanks to amy_b***

First off, don’t just look at a picture of Matthew Perry (or whomever it is kids like these days) and decide you want that hair. You gotta consider the shape of your head and face. Different shaped heads work better with different hairstyles. Hair comes in a multitude of textures, some more pliant than others. Like an ornery old mule, hair can be stubborn, so don’t expect your bristle head to ever look like Kid Rock’s cascading locks. Flat, straight hair is difficult to layer and texture. Basically, no amount of hair product can cajole a head of hair to go against its nature, so don’t try it. Instead, get in tune with your overall vibe and choose a style that fits it. Or better yet, let a competent stylist help you. But before you go, there are a few ways to prepare for a day at the barbershop:

1. What’s even possible?
Be realistic. You may not be able to replicate the sideswept nonchalance of an Eric Roberts, but you can certainly come damn close. When you do go consult with a stylist, bring in a couple examples of hairstyles that you fancy. Tear-outs from a magazine, whatever. This will let them gauge you. Certain styles will probably be ruled out. Like I said before, you can’t make your hair go against its nature. The stylist simply discovers that nature and gives you the possibilities. Don’t get defensive — trust them. But don’t be scared to speak up if they’re doing something you don’t like. You’re paying good money for this, so make sure you’re happy.

2. How trendy do you want to go?
Some cuts are classic and timeless, but others are informed by current trends. The great thing about hair is that it grows. If a cut goes out of style, but you’re still sporting it, go ahead and visit your stylist or just wait for it to grow out. Or, you know what? Rock it regardless. Confidence is key. Cause let’s face it, if you’re holding on for dear life to a rattail, you’re definitely going to need confidence.

3. How much maintenance are you ready for?
There’s nothing better than that first day right after a visit to the stylist. There’s a skip in your step, you’re checking out every mirror possible, and your personal soundtrack is playing in your head. But then you wake up the next day, take a shower, and spend an hour trying to recreate the magic that was yesterday’s hair. Avoid this next-day-turquoise-dollar-store-hair-gel-nightmare by discussing maintenance and product use with your stylist beforehand. Pony up the dough and buy the products they use to give you that first day hair magic. Also, pay attention during the cut and styling. You shouldn’t attempt cutting your own hair, but you can take a few cues from the way your hair was styled post-cut.

4. Where to go?
Definitely avoid Supercuts. That’s a haircut factory; you want a hairstylist. Unfortunately, you’ll probably have to pay quite handsomely for a good hairstylist. But trust us — once you get that perfect cut, money won’t be an issue. The difference is that dramatic. That’s not to say you should just plop down in the first stylist’s chair you find. Do some research. Look up local stylists and give ‘em a call, or do a walk in. Talk to the people who might be doing your hair. Going in will give you a chance to see what kind of product they produce. If you like what you see, give it a shot. If cost is an issue, Rudy’s Barbershop is a reputable, affordable chain with stores throughout the west coast. We’re guessing there are some elsewhere too.

You could have the wiriest, greasiest hair, or almost none at all. Whatever your situation, there is a solution. You do have options, and your best one is to find a stylist you like and leave it up to them. Hair is the accessory you have to wear everyday: deal with it appropriately.

***Picture Thanks to RobertN***