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We received many emails regarding our How-To guide, “How to Meet Your Girlfriend’s Parents,” from our female readers who demanded we write one for boyfriends’ parents. We agree that meeting a boyfriend’s parents can be just as, if not more, stressful than meeting a girlfriend’s parents. Being a boy is excuse enough; there are far more expectations for a girl. That said, here’s the How-to Guide to meeting your new man’s fam. Good luck and God speed.

1. Pre-Meeting Grooming
All boys have to do is throw some goop in their hair and shave a little. Maybe they throw on some cologne, if they are feeling especially fancy. Girls are an entirely different story. A seemingly simple shower can last as long as a half an hour, resulting in major pruneage of the skin, as well as possible razor cuts to the leg. Once dry, there is blow drying, hair straightening and/or curling, make-up application and then choosing an outfit. Girls’ clothing doesn’t consist of three items, like boys, so it’s a little different. Plus, the outfit determines how the mother will feel about you.

It’s a given, you will never be good enough for her son, but you can try to at least get her to not hate you. This means removing all facial piercing and making sure that tramp stamp you got when you were 18 is covered up. Don’t overdo the make-up, or she’ll think you’re a whore. You also don’t want any straying eyes from his Dad, creepy.

2. Actual Meeting
Upon meeting the parents, you will need to feel out if they are huggers, shakers, or wavers. This is in reference to the initial greeting. Granted, girls can get away with more initial affection than boys can, but it’s best to err on the side of caution and evaluate them before making any sudden moves. Once you pass that preliminary salutation it gets a little harder, because now you actually need to be impressive with your mind. You also have to gauge where the parents stand on the political scale, which shouldn’t be too hard if your boyfriend preps you first. You don’t want to bring up your universal health care presentation if they voted for Bush.

You should also offer to help in any way you can, like clearing the dishes or preparing the meal. You want to come off with a balanced mix of independence and domesticity to the older generation. Be sure to be affectionate and doting to your boyfriend during the dinner, but not in a needy way. Also, don’t talk about marriage at all; you don’t want them to think you are trying to trap their poor boy. If he has a sister, try desperately to bond with her. Her opinion matters more than you think. She can either become your best friend, or your worst enemy.

3. Post Meeting
After you meet with the parents, you will want to follow up with them. Remember: You can never be too excessive with the thank yous. Parents eat that crap up for breakfast. They love a good old fashioned thank you letter, because they all think that the tradition has died. If you write a lovely letter with a small gift in appreciation, they will think you are the most darling thing on earth.

If you follow these steps, you are sure to become a staple at family functions. Who knows, you might even get holiday presents too!

***Picture Thanks to killermonkeys***